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Gift Giving. Discuss.

Posted November 22, 2010 - 12:04 by Angie

Gotta deal with it every year. I'm sure you can tell my enthusiasm is seeping from every pore.

Bah HumCat

Illustration by RebeccaR195

I can't help it. I've become less and less a consumer over the last decades. With constant exposure to stories about waste and the fruitless search for happiness in stuff, I've become increasingly inured to the pull of buying and owning. More than that: I'm not inclined to introduce yet another generation to the delusions of consumerism.

I've made the choice to offer my friends and family my love and time as consistently as I can, rather than try to infuse objects with those sentiments on a specific date - a command performance of love. When I do feel a little something is appropriate, I make it myself; my candied sweet and spicy walnuts were a big hit one year. This year my friend and I are resurrecting some old-fashioned cookie recipes to give. Or I hit up an antique shop. (The Frugal Goddess has some other good thoughts on this.)

Kids: always the rub. I can't demand of the few little ones in my social circle that they rebel against the norm. But I don't want to perpetuate that norm, either. I've given books, or educational toys. Still: stuff.

I'm curious how other folks deal with social and commercial pressure this time of year. What do you do? Do you have kids on your list? Yours, someone else's? What about the adults?

My family gradually eased off the long-distance giving that (for me at least) unfailingly devolved into a pressure-and-stress-fest. Has your family reduced or eliminated gift-giving? Was it official, or did it evolve without comment?

Share some advice. Let's connect on this - god knows, we're outnumbered!

Comments

With kids you are a sitting duck

by Gordon Whiting - 11/24/2010 - 2:25pm

Despite the emptiness of consumer gift culture, and the clear trend in conscientious and sensible gift-giving, I defy anyone with children under 10 to tell their kids that the usual tsunami of wow-factor presents will not be arriving this Christmas. I have three children, two now fully grown and one just turned nine, so my hell will be over in a few short years. But if you think you can wave off the influence of the overculture, or if you without children think that we parents are morally defective, here's the truth: families lost the battle long ago and have limited choices here. We can go into full-blown defiance-- homeschooling, back-to-the land, etc., or we can navigate the culture with what skill we have, educating and enculturating our kids as best we can about real values.  Give them their coveted action figures or radio-controlled monster-trucks or whatever, but keep talking about our connection to the environment, the need to work together for the common good, and, finally, about happiness through simplicity-- about the goodness found in the absence of stuff. 

Gordon J. Whiting Executive Producer LIVE FROM THE LEFT COAST with Angie Coiro

That leads to another issue, though

by Angie - 11/24/2010 - 3:45pm
- which is whether it's inherently selfish to have children. (*ducking*) I'm kidding! KIDDING! Jeez, you breeders are so sensitive.

Angie

Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.

Selfish

by Gordon Whiting - 11/24/2010 - 5:06pm
I can't see it as selfish, since it seems like endless self-sacrifice. But families w/children surely inconvenience the rest of society. 'Course there have to be some children, to sustain Social Security long enough for us boomers to collect. Is our culture too child-centric? Depends where you are-- I think the Bay Area, NY, LA, for example, are not oriented enough toward the needs of families. Midwest is way more family-friendly. But if you don't have kids, it seems the little bastards are everywhere, crowding out the last remaining fragments of peace and quiet. An issue of perspective, fer sure.
Gordon J. Whiting Executive Producer LIVE FROM THE LEFT COAST with Angie Coiro

Limited gift giving

by Jeri Dansky - 11/23/2010 - 10:00am
There's nothing like working as a professional organizer to make you REALLY cautious about the gifts you select. I've seen so many gifts that were just clutter to the recipients - but they had a hard time letting go. My family is Jewish, so Christmas gifts among family members is not an issue. (Chanukah gifts in my family were always modest, and only for children.) I exchange gifts with one set of neighbors - but one of the two gifts I give them is always a calendar - which they are expecting, and use for the next year. With my best friend, I'll buy a gift if something shouts out to me as being perfect for her. Otherwise, not. We've worked this way for years, and it suits us. For general gift-giving, I look to consumables, specifically chosen for the intended recipient. My latest "big hit" gift was some amazing ice cream - shipped to someone who's not feeling well and loves ice cream. The shipping was a bit expensive, but it was well worth it. And I also look to give gifts of experiences: a gift certificate for a massage, for example. I know someone whose in-laws gave her a membership to the Asian Art Museum in San Francisco - she lives not too far from the city - and she loved that gift. That's an idea that could translate into children's gifts, too.

Has anyone in your circle

by Angie - 11/24/2010 - 2:01pm
dropped the gift idea all together, Jeri? How does that strike you?

Angie

Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.

Gift Giving

by jenny jones - 11/23/2010 - 6:49am
We have gradually moved away from formal gift giving. We still give gifts to the kids, but the types have changed. Now, gifts include favorite bulk foods from co-op, and time together to attend events. We give certificates for local items, such as massages, haircuts, etc., to help friends who are trying to make it as well as encourage local buying among family members. As we get older, we appreciate the time with loved ones more than the stuff. My husband and I still exchange gifts, and many times they are books purchased from the library book sale or quirky antiques only we can appreciate.

Which led me to

by Angie - 11/24/2010 - 1:59pm
check out gift certificate redemption rates. Somehow I'd gotten the idea they were much lower than they are, making them an iffy gift choice in my mind. But no, redemption rates are estimated at somewhere between 84 and 96%, depending on the info source. Thanks, Jenny!

Angie

Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.

Marvo, do you think about

by Angie - 11/22/2010 - 9:38pm
the environmental or waste consequences of your gift choices? Does your family care about that aspect of gift-giving?

Angie

Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.

Is shame an issue?

by Angie - 11/22/2010 - 6:28pm
Thinking on this further, I recall a beautiful gift of handmade potpourri in a decorated jar. It was from a relative who was hand-making her gifts on a very tight budget that year. I thought it was lovely; I wished I'd taken the time to do something as personal as that. But she was embarrassed - even apologetic. Our family always bought gifts and she couldn't swing it that year. I kept it for years. I don't recall a single other gift I got that year. I wonder if that's still an issue for some people - that gifting frugally or ecologically or not at all is somehow perceived as cheap or otherwise inferior.

Angie

Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.

Home Made

by Marvo - 11/22/2010 - 7:16pm
I love the idea of home made edibles, though probably only for people I know well, or from those I know well. Particularly stuff that keeps and that one wouldn't spend the time on to make for themselves. That makes it a real treat. Whose gonna be bummed by that? I don't have many people to buy gifts for. I only have three relatives in the states, and don't exchange gifts with those I have in Europe cuz we're practically strangers. Despite my advanced years, my folks would rather I save my money for a house rather than send them gifts. (Like blowing $100 or so on gifts is gonna keep that Bay Area house out of reach.) And I actually like sending them gifts if I find something that suits them (in my mind.) My Dad is relatively easy to shop for. He's got a bit of technolust, and anything camera related is gonna go over big with him. And while he parrots the party line about not sending any gifts, they don't need anything, blah blah, he's always quick to use whatever gadget I send, and to send me pictures of the results via email. But my Mom is the tough one. She loves jigsaw puzzles, but always complains that she spends too much time doing them. But I'll see neat looking puzzles (well, neat to this son that never built puzzles with her) and can't resist. From time to time I score a big hit, like when I found a neat puzzle of a Gone with the Wind poster. She was surprised I knew that was her favorite movie (I'd have had to have grown up in an orphanage to not know that, but whatever.) But as someone who lived through the worst of times during WWII in eastern Germany, she's the one particularly strict about the "don't send us anything" rule. So I have to be careful to not spend much money, or at least, make it seem like I didn't spend much money. She did make it clear in recent years, though, that she does expect a card and that's all she really wants on special occasions. I personally hate most store bought cards, as they seem particularly insincere to me. So I try to spend a little extra time getting some stickers or something from a local craft store so that I can make a custom card. Getting a card seems to keep her happy.

We mostly don't bother with

by dgans - 11/22/2010 - 1:10pm
We mostly don't bother with gifts for each other, because we buy what we want when it makes sense to do so. Our families of origin are far apart, so we tend not to get together at holiday times, and none of us has much interest in sending useless gifts across the country at great expense. For people I work with all year and whose help I really appreciate, a bottle of wine or a restaurant gift certificate. For the niece and nephews, an appropriate gift certificate.

David, do you get into

by Angie - 11/22/2010 - 1:25pm
those awkward situations, where someone gives you a gift and you suspect they anticipated one from you? I've been at Christmas gatherings when I've made it clear ahead of time I don't exchange or expect gifts, and end up in a lopsided situation anyway.

Angie

Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.

awkward situations

by dgans - 11/22/2010 - 1:45pm
Not that can recall in recent, uh, decades.

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